Who am I ? That is a question I sometimes ask myself. I sometimes feel like a stranger when I am among my family. Maybe that is my own doing. I left my parents home at the age of 18. There are a lot of things that lead up to this happening and you can never go back and change things. For my sisters it was really hard. I hurt my parents in doing this and them at that time I was young and thought I knew everything. We have many years between us girls and that is no ones fault. So, we really did not grow up to be close friends. We all get along for our parents when we are together. We do not talk on the phone or share little stories about growing up or anything that a lot of other siblings may do. Mainly with me. I have hurt them both.
With one I keep things a secret that she had asked me to do and I thought I was doing the right thing by keeping her confidence. In the end I was wrong. And I happen to be one other those people who gets upset when confronted and said things to her and my parents that I can never make up for or taken back.
My other sister and I have always been distant. I did try to make things work but when you had me as a big sister it is kind of hard to get past me being the way I was. I guess I told her I hated her and was very very mean. I never really appreciated what it was to have sisters until I was older. Now it is to late.
I want the long conversations on the phone about nothing and the spending time together being silly. But, I know in reality that will never happen. There is nothing that I can do to fix the past. I am trying to set a future.
Now, my youngest sister is getting married. I am so excited to watch her walk down the isle like I did when my middle sister got married. I still have her program from her wedding with the pictures that I took. Now, with the youngest getting married I can make scrapbook of their weddings for me to reflect back on.
These are the memories that I keep.
Do I wish we had a closer relationship? You bet. But, for me to call or stop by I just feel out of place. Like I said I am the stranger among family.
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3 comments:
Your story about your family sounds an awful lot like mine. I only have one sister and she's 8 years younger than I am. I was a horrible rebellious teenager and it's amazing that my parents speak to me at all now LOL I'm closer to my dad now than I've ever been before but my mom and sister and I are SO different and aren't really close at all. We don't chat on the phone and I always feel very uncomfortable around them if I have to stay longer than an hour or so. But ya know I looked at the picture on your blog of you, your husband and your kids it's obvious you're no stranger in that family. Whatever happened in the past is gone but you're building a family that you will always be a part of and never feel like a stranger in. That whole sister thing is probably overrated anyway LOL
Thanks for the Happy BDay! This is the first birthday that I've had in years that wasn't horrible LOL
Have a good one!
This post is a sad one. Is there no way you can start building a closer relationship starting from today, and where you are today?
I only had one 1/2 sister and she was 12 years older than I and very different but I looked up to her and admired her.
The comment above is so true. You are building and making your family now.
Susan
relatoinships with siblings is not an easy one, two, three, etc. it takes alot of time,and understanding, and did i say time. you will never always agree or see eye to eye. you must make an effort and stick to it. sisters, and brothers are always that whether you are alike or not. but an effort has to be made. even for across the miles. you have to decide if its worth it to YOU. i love you sarah. love aunt janet
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