Yesterday I avoided going to a family gathering because I did not want to hear "How are you doing?" As I explained to my husband I am getting to the point that beginning to make me angry. I know people ask with good intentions but, how should one be doing? I am saddened, I am lonely, all I think about when I go to sleep is the last words I heard her say as she pulled my hair while we were in the hospital. How I could not just take her home.
Now, I sometimes I feel lost. I imagine how hard this is on my father and my sisters. We all have our own ways of coping with things. I sometimes feel like drowning my sorrows with a good bottle of wine. So, with that thought I have avoided the " Holiday Cheer "per say. (many years ago I got in a bad rut and was drinking every night of the week to not feel things and I do not want that to happen again)
I return to work Wednesday. I that will be tough. I have not been in for a full day since the 6th. I am hoping people will understand that I may not be the cheerful person I am known to be for sometime. I will do my best at what I do and come home to see my family.
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2 comments:
My heart and prayers go out to you Charish. I know this was a very hard Christmas and is a very hard time. I understand and I card.
Susan
You cannot take any blame on not taking Mom home. it was my decision and I have no regrets. She was not stable. Now it is ok to be sad,and we all will be crushed with aching hearts for a long time. Mom was a fantastic person. She is my "everything". I will see her again.
As she has said "Miss me, but let me go."
Love you
Dad
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